It is a mess. I find that folks try to be really understanding, and almost TOO understanding, where they think that by just not telling me about baby showers and such, I'll not feel bad.
I think it would work best if folks talked about their struggles. Yes, it's personal. Yes, it can hurt. But excluding infertile folks from these celebrations just to try to not hurt their feelings then makes them feel like they are less important because they aren't able to reproduce.
On the other hand, we also like a bit of understanding if there's something we can't do. For a few years, I made crocheted stuffed animals for my friends that were having babies. After the last IVF failed, though, I couldn't do it anymore. I just didn't have the heart to do it. (Of course, that left an unfinished giraffe that kind of looks like a cozy for some kind of adult toy - I joke that the little girl it was meant for can now get it when she's 18).
It's tough, but it's also part of life. Not everyone succeeds at everything they try to do. I never thought I'd "fail" at something so important to me, because I never had before. I often remind myself that my "failure," was only that I hadn't met my husband earlier in life - and how could that really be a failure when the other option was to not meet him at all?
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Yes, this is true too
Date: 2011-08-25 01:42 pm (UTC)I think it would work best if folks talked about their struggles. Yes, it's personal. Yes, it can hurt. But excluding infertile folks from these celebrations just to try to not hurt their feelings then makes them feel like they are less important because they aren't able to reproduce.
On the other hand, we also like a bit of understanding if there's something we can't do. For a few years, I made crocheted stuffed animals for my friends that were having babies. After the last IVF failed, though, I couldn't do it anymore. I just didn't have the heart to do it. (Of course, that left an unfinished giraffe that kind of looks like a cozy for some kind of adult toy - I joke that the little girl it was meant for can now get it when she's 18).
It's tough, but it's also part of life. Not everyone succeeds at everything they try to do. I never thought I'd "fail" at something so important to me, because I never had before. I often remind myself that my "failure," was only that I hadn't met my husband earlier in life - and how could that really be a failure when the other option was to not meet him at all?