Lots of Stuff
Jul. 3rd, 2012 12:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dancerjodiThe Maiden/Alice Cooper show was a lot of fun, but staying up for it was so difficult! These days, 10PM is a late night for us with Mina getting up through the night and being awake for the day at 6:00 AM. We paid for VIP parking to get out of there early and with a show ending at 11:00 in Mansfield we were in the car, out and home in an hour. Katie was so gracious to sit for us, and thankfully Miss Mina treated her well. We took the next day off to recuperate thank goodness. Mina went to daycare and we bummed around/got things done (I had to be home every 3 hours or so to pump).
Later that week I had my cards read by a friend of a coworker. It was a neat experience, and definitely hit on a lot of things going on for me right now. Most interesting was that she said that Mina was a gem and would be a super easy/pleasant kid, and would be very empathetic in her life. But, she said that something in her room wasn't letting her sleep well. She told me that we should sprinkle some sea salt in the corners in particular, and ask the bad stuff to go and the good stuff to stay (she particularly wanted us to do that - she said there was a lot in the room but not all of it was negative). She said that Mina wants to sleep well, but something in the room won't let her. I talked about it a bit with my bestie (a practicing Pagan who has done some house blessings for others) and on Friday night (my birthday too), Brian and her hubby took Mina out for a walk while she and I went to work in Mina's room. She has a good sense for energies in places, and had some interesting things to say about the space. She had been in there to help us paint a month before Mina was born, and hadn't sensed anything back then, but now, she said there was a lot going on - the room was stuffy and she wouldn't have been able to be restful in there herself. There were some happy/dancing/laughing "spirits" - kind of like fairies running around. But over them, there was this fierce/protective/domineering/controlling kind of spirit. We did a little ritual in there to try and cleanse the 'angry/forceful' going on, and asked only the gentle, creative, nurturing to stay (whatever was for the highest and best for the family). Mina slept like a log that night. But not so great the night after. And then on Sunday night oh boy!
She's super drooly, still no teeth yet but the girl is a saliva machine. She woke up choking on it, and went into a hysterical crying/screaming fit. Oh my god, I've never been more nervous or moved so fast. Brian ran in and grabbed her and she wouldn't settle. I held her and still the same - just frantic crying/screaming. I took her into bed and gave her a boob, and she started to calm down. She was so worked up that she was hyperventolating. It took her a couple of hours to settle, and then she woke up every hour or so after that (and was basically on my boobs all night).
Which brings me to my recent more serious debate about weaning. She has a very tough time eating in the summer heat. She's miserable. She's so squirmy/awkward/distracted. There is that, and the fact that I've gone out a couple of nights and been away from her, to have huge/sore boobs and then had to pump in the middle of the night before going to bed. And then we'll be away from her in August for Star Wars Celebration for 4 days, which if I'm still breastfeeding would require going back to my hotel room every few hours to pump. Not sure how I'd handle doing it around the airport (3 hour flight, need to get to the airport a couple of hours early). Ouch. She will be starting food soon and so will get less milk in the day anyway. She gets bottles at daycare. So I decided to finally, officially, for real start the weaning process. I'll drop 1 feeding in the middle of the day and go that way for a week. Then drop another for another week. Then another. I pump 3x during the work day, and could stop there. I could continue to breastfeed outside of work and at least reduce the pumping or feeding times. Or I could keep going. At least, it is not all or nothing. Since Saturday I've skipped her mid-day feeding (and today skipped the pumping).
I'm sad (cried last night) but also feeling lighter. I'm sad I'm "giving up" at 6 months and also amazed that I've made it this far. And I keep telling myself, I can still do it at night/early morning if I want.
I had to skip Saturday's feeding because I had found a lump in my breast, which showed up more if it was full of milk. I had to go in for an exam with my midwife that day. She suggested I have an ultrasound which was this morning. Everything is fine - it is just a full milk duct. But since I had dropped one on Saturday, I dropped one on Sunday (I gave her the bottle at that time so that I could get some snuggling in - she was so much calmer than on the breast, we were outside in the heat). Yesterday I was with a friend at this time and it was so, so hard (and I almost gave in and breastfed her), but I did it. I was proud of myself and felt kind of liberated but then I was sad and guilty in the afternoon. I tried to feed her before bed but she was so cranky/hot/distracted that she would only eat for 5 minutes. So Brian gave her formula, and after she was in bed and our guests had left I pumped (poorly). After all of this time using a hospital-grade pump while at work, my letdown still sucks. I had to pump this morning before the ultrasound when I'd normally be pumping at work, and came into work and skipped the mid-day pumping.
Such weird feelings that I was not expecting to feel. I love breastfeeding her and I hate it. I know that it is healthier but then she has such a hard time with it sometimes, I wonder if my emotions have been forcing this on her when she'd be much more relaxed with a bottle. Sometimes. Sometimes it is just a joy.
So yeah, there you go. Lots going on!
Saturday we'll be away from her overnight for the first time to go to the last showing of RHPS at midnight in Harvard Square. We had a hard time at the Maiden show, so this should be interesting! She'll be sleeping at my sister's house, where she'll spend those 4 nights in August. So weird.
Later that week I had my cards read by a friend of a coworker. It was a neat experience, and definitely hit on a lot of things going on for me right now. Most interesting was that she said that Mina was a gem and would be a super easy/pleasant kid, and would be very empathetic in her life. But, she said that something in her room wasn't letting her sleep well. She told me that we should sprinkle some sea salt in the corners in particular, and ask the bad stuff to go and the good stuff to stay (she particularly wanted us to do that - she said there was a lot in the room but not all of it was negative). She said that Mina wants to sleep well, but something in the room won't let her. I talked about it a bit with my bestie (a practicing Pagan who has done some house blessings for others) and on Friday night (my birthday too), Brian and her hubby took Mina out for a walk while she and I went to work in Mina's room. She has a good sense for energies in places, and had some interesting things to say about the space. She had been in there to help us paint a month before Mina was born, and hadn't sensed anything back then, but now, she said there was a lot going on - the room was stuffy and she wouldn't have been able to be restful in there herself. There were some happy/dancing/laughing "spirits" - kind of like fairies running around. But over them, there was this fierce/protective/domineering/controlling kind of spirit. We did a little ritual in there to try and cleanse the 'angry/forceful' going on, and asked only the gentle, creative, nurturing to stay (whatever was for the highest and best for the family). Mina slept like a log that night. But not so great the night after. And then on Sunday night oh boy!
She's super drooly, still no teeth yet but the girl is a saliva machine. She woke up choking on it, and went into a hysterical crying/screaming fit. Oh my god, I've never been more nervous or moved so fast. Brian ran in and grabbed her and she wouldn't settle. I held her and still the same - just frantic crying/screaming. I took her into bed and gave her a boob, and she started to calm down. She was so worked up that she was hyperventolating. It took her a couple of hours to settle, and then she woke up every hour or so after that (and was basically on my boobs all night).
Which brings me to my recent more serious debate about weaning. She has a very tough time eating in the summer heat. She's miserable. She's so squirmy/awkward/distracted. There is that, and the fact that I've gone out a couple of nights and been away from her, to have huge/sore boobs and then had to pump in the middle of the night before going to bed. And then we'll be away from her in August for Star Wars Celebration for 4 days, which if I'm still breastfeeding would require going back to my hotel room every few hours to pump. Not sure how I'd handle doing it around the airport (3 hour flight, need to get to the airport a couple of hours early). Ouch. She will be starting food soon and so will get less milk in the day anyway. She gets bottles at daycare. So I decided to finally, officially, for real start the weaning process. I'll drop 1 feeding in the middle of the day and go that way for a week. Then drop another for another week. Then another. I pump 3x during the work day, and could stop there. I could continue to breastfeed outside of work and at least reduce the pumping or feeding times. Or I could keep going. At least, it is not all or nothing. Since Saturday I've skipped her mid-day feeding (and today skipped the pumping).
I'm sad (cried last night) but also feeling lighter. I'm sad I'm "giving up" at 6 months and also amazed that I've made it this far. And I keep telling myself, I can still do it at night/early morning if I want.
I had to skip Saturday's feeding because I had found a lump in my breast, which showed up more if it was full of milk. I had to go in for an exam with my midwife that day. She suggested I have an ultrasound which was this morning. Everything is fine - it is just a full milk duct. But since I had dropped one on Saturday, I dropped one on Sunday (I gave her the bottle at that time so that I could get some snuggling in - she was so much calmer than on the breast, we were outside in the heat). Yesterday I was with a friend at this time and it was so, so hard (and I almost gave in and breastfed her), but I did it. I was proud of myself and felt kind of liberated but then I was sad and guilty in the afternoon. I tried to feed her before bed but she was so cranky/hot/distracted that she would only eat for 5 minutes. So Brian gave her formula, and after she was in bed and our guests had left I pumped (poorly). After all of this time using a hospital-grade pump while at work, my letdown still sucks. I had to pump this morning before the ultrasound when I'd normally be pumping at work, and came into work and skipped the mid-day pumping.
Such weird feelings that I was not expecting to feel. I love breastfeeding her and I hate it. I know that it is healthier but then she has such a hard time with it sometimes, I wonder if my emotions have been forcing this on her when she'd be much more relaxed with a bottle. Sometimes. Sometimes it is just a joy.
So yeah, there you go. Lots going on!
Saturday we'll be away from her overnight for the first time to go to the last showing of RHPS at midnight in Harvard Square. We had a hard time at the Maiden show, so this should be interesting! She'll be sleeping at my sister's house, where she'll spend those 4 nights in August. So weird.
