The Velveteen Principles
Jul. 23rd, 2009 12:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dancerjodiI finished http://www.velveteenprinciples.com/ last night, which I was able to get from the library. I've always loved this story, and Brian and I have our own little history about it. He bought me a velveteen rabbit stuffed animal in Harvard Square on a whim years back, and even illustrated a little story for me related to that for Valentine's Day one year. The bunny has taken quite a bit of abuse, and the insides have degraded over time, making all of the bead filling sit on one side of his butt and leaving him quite lopsided. I scanned the story and took pictures of the bun last night http://www.flickr.com/photos/dancerjodi/3747416675/in/set-72157621785260470/
I enjoyed the Velveteen Principles book quite a bit - it was a light and easy read and very cute, and not too much of a beat you over the head self help thing. Here's the notes I jotted down while reading
Being "real": love, empathy and compassion vs. mechanical, cold
To be real in a world of objects (objectifying, feeling shame). The "United States of Generica" (conforming = insignificance)
"Thinglish" - reducing complex parts of life to objects and purchases
Crisis can offer the chance to get real, result of the game to try and be the perfect object (learned, unlearn beliefs/feelings/behavior)
Self-empathy and empathy with others: not flaws, evidence of experience, build character (ethics, values)
Principle #1: Real is possible (it's inside, object culture hides/quiets it i.e. the innocence of children). 2 large areas are work and family - disconnection from being real, cultural ideals of the perfect parent versus love, guidance, caring. How the economy is organized in people being compliant). Adopt a realistic point of view, honor special abilities, interests and dreams, take time to develop the tools you need.
Principle #2: Real is process (work that matters, close relationships, creativity, teaching/nurturing/caring for others).
Principle #3: Real is emotional (understanding, acknowledging, expressing thru emotions, can't solve emotional problem without focusing on our feelings)
Principle #4: Real is empathetic (caring, inquiring, understanding, separate the intent from the outcome, communication: listen, comprehend, no hidden agendas
Principle #5: Real is courageous (courage from experience, move forward even if afraid, universal fears of isolation and rejection, the need for social organization to survival "we live in a time of extraordinary freedom, when most of our limits are determined by our basic practical needs and our own willingess to take risks" (92). Myth of being the best is a part of the object culture, failure is a part of learning and leads to growth.
Principle #6: Real is honest (about self, perfection is arbitrary, boring, impossible, "feel it. face it. fix it", "imperfections are what make us each homemade" (110).
Principle #7 Real is generous (give support when most needed, not most convenient, encourage spirations of others vs. competition, assistance in a thoughtful way (fish versus fisherman) ).
Principle #8: Real is grateful (attentiveness to appreciate little moments of grace, focus on positive, thorough awarness and appreciation, turn into a practice, grattitude for knowledge, even in negative situations (progress) ).
Principle #9: Real can be painful (awakening = pain, a real person can see the negative in society more clearly, slow process of self discovery, acknowledge pain/loss, recover valuable pieces of self).
Principle #10: Real is Flexible (adapt to changing circumstances, requirement in today's world, change <> disaster, is natural, <> failure).
Principle #11: Real love endures (TV romances make us feel inadequate/boring/unattractive, real love grows in everyday living).
Principle #12: Real is ethical (acting with honesty, understanding, impact, the golden rule from empathy, act toward people as people and not objects).
Overall, real has meaning: quest for meaning central to life, should be an active pursuit, creating a legacy, "every life is ultimately a story with a message" (186)
**************
I'll close with my favorite section from the original story, in case you have happened to miss this classic:
What is REAL asked the rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real."
"Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But those things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
I enjoyed the Velveteen Principles book quite a bit - it was a light and easy read and very cute, and not too much of a beat you over the head self help thing. Here's the notes I jotted down while reading
Being "real": love, empathy and compassion vs. mechanical, cold
To be real in a world of objects (objectifying, feeling shame). The "United States of Generica" (conforming = insignificance)
"Thinglish" - reducing complex parts of life to objects and purchases
Crisis can offer the chance to get real, result of the game to try and be the perfect object (learned, unlearn beliefs/feelings/behavior)
Self-empathy and empathy with others: not flaws, evidence of experience, build character (ethics, values)
Principle #1: Real is possible (it's inside, object culture hides/quiets it i.e. the innocence of children). 2 large areas are work and family - disconnection from being real, cultural ideals of the perfect parent versus love, guidance, caring. How the economy is organized in people being compliant). Adopt a realistic point of view, honor special abilities, interests and dreams, take time to develop the tools you need.
Principle #2: Real is process (work that matters, close relationships, creativity, teaching/nurturing/caring for others).
Principle #3: Real is emotional (understanding, acknowledging, expressing thru emotions, can't solve emotional problem without focusing on our feelings)
Principle #4: Real is empathetic (caring, inquiring, understanding, separate the intent from the outcome, communication: listen, comprehend, no hidden agendas
Principle #5: Real is courageous (courage from experience, move forward even if afraid, universal fears of isolation and rejection, the need for social organization to survival "we live in a time of extraordinary freedom, when most of our limits are determined by our basic practical needs and our own willingess to take risks" (92). Myth of being the best is a part of the object culture, failure is a part of learning and leads to growth.
Principle #6: Real is honest (about self, perfection is arbitrary, boring, impossible, "feel it. face it. fix it", "imperfections are what make us each homemade" (110).
Principle #7 Real is generous (give support when most needed, not most convenient, encourage spirations of others vs. competition, assistance in a thoughtful way (fish versus fisherman) ).
Principle #8: Real is grateful (attentiveness to appreciate little moments of grace, focus on positive, thorough awarness and appreciation, turn into a practice, grattitude for knowledge, even in negative situations (progress) ).
Principle #9: Real can be painful (awakening = pain, a real person can see the negative in society more clearly, slow process of self discovery, acknowledge pain/loss, recover valuable pieces of self).
Principle #10: Real is Flexible (adapt to changing circumstances, requirement in today's world, change <> disaster, is natural, <> failure).
Principle #11: Real love endures (TV romances make us feel inadequate/boring/unattractive, real love grows in everyday living).
Principle #12: Real is ethical (acting with honesty, understanding, impact, the golden rule from empathy, act toward people as people and not objects).
Overall, real has meaning: quest for meaning central to life, should be an active pursuit, creating a legacy, "every life is ultimately a story with a message" (186)
**************
I'll close with my favorite section from the original story, in case you have happened to miss this classic:
What is REAL asked the rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real."
"Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But those things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
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no subject
Date: 2009-07-23 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-23 05:30 pm (UTC)Being real sometimes walking with a limp, or being scarred. Being real means you're not really safe, and sometimes it is your fault. You can't be real and not risk hurt or blame.
BTW, I adore the little story.
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Date: 2009-07-23 05:38 pm (UTC)I loved the Velveteen Rabbit when I was little. I like this post a lot; thanks for sharing your notes!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 12:31 am (UTC)Missed you at the party on Saturday.