Feeding

[dancerjodi]

An email I sent to Brian today:

Hey Babe,

Last night and today seem kind of like the last straw for me. We have had such challenges with breastfeeding. I was talking about it and sleep and how they are related today at the new Mom's group. I'm just not fully enjoying the time I have with Mina and I'm stressing the two of us out by doing this.

Given our lifestyle, it would be so much easier to do formula. We are always out and about. I'm beating myself up over not doing the "best" option for our baby.

But the more I try to make this fit, the more I think that the "best" for us may be formula.

I feel like a failure, but feel like there may be some hope of salvaging the rest of my break if she and I can just be happier and more well rested.

This is so hard. :/

....

I just gave her 3 ozs of formula. She gulped it down and is out like a light. And I am crying.

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Comments

[devina.livejournal.com]

Love and hugs.

Two things to say: it is HARD learning how to do this. So hard. You're at a stage in your life where you know how to do a lot of complex things, but breastfeeding is so different from anything else we do. It does get easier, I promise you.

And you know what? If the right thing for your family is to give her formula, then do it and don't look back. Yes, there are benefits to breastmilk, but they're not worth having you in constant distress. And you've already done so much for her by sticking with it this long. Gve yourself a pass, mama. It's OK not to do it. In the words of our very wise pediatrkician, "breastfeeding is not mothering."

[rantarn.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* There's no one way to do this. We didn't have the easiest time of that process either. You're not a failure at all because one thing doesn't work out as planned. I think this little girl is going to grow up happy because of her awesome attentive caring parents.

[dawntreader]

awwwwwwwww. you are not a failure!!

seems like "best" is happy, less stress, and a full, sleeping baby (and mom).
you three'll be OK with whatever option package that comes with and she will love you no matter what.

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

Breastfeeding is super hard, and when it's not working quite right, it's even harder. Don't beat yourself up - do what you need to for you and for your family. Mina will be awesome no matter how it turns out with how she gets her food!

[catling.livejournal.com]

*love and support* I'm really, really sorry that you've been having such a rough time.

It sounds like you've tried really hard to make this work and if you make the decision to go with formula, it will be because that's the best thing for all of you.

None of this is easy and there are no absolute right choices in parenting, it's different for everyone. You're a good loving Mommy, and if formula helps her to sleep like that, then it's good to explore it as an option rather than continuing to bang your head on what isn't working.

Always here if you want to vent to another mother.

[jillianpie.livejournal.com]

Not that I have any experience with this whatsoever, but it seems to me you've put in your due diligence & it's not working out. That's okay. You've got a little girl who is happy and thriving, and if you need to make some changes so that you're going to be the best mom you can be, then so be it.

I'm sure that whatever you & Brian decide is best will be just that.

[jasra]

I'm sorry that you (plural) are having such a stressful time with breastfeeding. My heart goes out to you.

[dionysia.livejournal.com]

This... x1000000

As you may remember, I supplemented with Leo pretty much from the hospital until 6 months, when my supply dried up completely. Any breastmilk is a benefit, and you have given that to Mina.

Lots of love to you, J.

[futurenurselady.livejournal.com]

It has been just over a month since you've been breastfeeding, has it not?

If that's the case, you've already passed Mina all the benefits of the colostrum, which is the first week or two of milk production. Colostrum is what gives her immunologic defenses that weren't passed across the placenta while you were carrying her.

As long as you choose well-balanced and healthy age-appropriate formula for her, she will be getting all the nutrition she needs to grow and thrive. Even better, since preparing formula makes you less stressed, Mina will have the benefit of a more relaxed (and less sleep deprived) mommy.

[buxom-bey.livejournal.com]

I feel you and wish I could be there for hugs and support. Feeding her formula doesn't mean you will never breast feed again, unless that's what you want. I found our breast feeding got so much easier after I started letting up and giving her a bottle now and then. If she was hungry I'd try to nurse, if she wasn't having it I'd switch to bottle. Before long I was switching less and less. Oddly she had less trouble nursing in public. I think it was the distraction mellowed her out.

But now you can share feedings with Brian (which I think he will really like) and get more sleep. THAT will seriously help your outlook on everything!

You are loved. You love your baby. Making sure she is well fed, by whatever means, makes you an awesome mama!

[tigira.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, yes - THIS. You need to do what is right for you and your family. If that is formula, that is FINE. FINE.

Mina will be healthy.
You will be less stressed.
You will ALL be less stressed and be able to enjoy each other more.

I know there are folks out there that will get on your case. You are TOTALLY within your rights to tell them that you tried and couldn't do it, and your CALM relationship with your child isn't based upon the function of your body, but the love between you.

[dali-muse.livejournal.com]

Aw, hon.

You might recall that I was adopted. So of course I was formula fed and had none of "mother's natural immunity" breast milk.

Please don't feel like a failure, you are no less of a woman and no less of a mother for giving Mina formula. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. Mina won't feel any less loved by you for this.

Many *HUGS*

[roaming.livejournal.com]

I don't get where women seem to feel like "failures" if they don't breastfeed. But then, I'm not a mother, so I would have no clue. Still, I think I can objectively say choosing whatever makes your time with your little one and your husband less stressed can't be seen to be a failure by any means. Good is "good enough" even if it's not perfect by your standards. (But look who I'm telling this to! The lady (and gent) who do so many things to wondrous perfection because of your high standards. May be time to give yourself a break?)

And all the moms here have said it gets easier, and you can switch back and forth. Meanwhile, happier and more well rested? Priceless!

[nepenthedreams]

Until you become a mom, you are not subject to the insane amount of pressure - especially new moms feel. The first year is full of people telling you what to do, what's best, and what's going to ruin your kid. The hardest thing is that the kid is so formless, unable to talk and communicate, that you just don't know who is right. I had no idea how much pressure there is - how virulent people are about their viewpoints whether it's sleep-training or breastfeeding or diapering. In a way, it's a little silly - children all around the world grow up fine and there are lots of different ways to parent.

Also new moms are emotionally vulnerable - all those pregnancy and nursing hormones. Then all the experts come in and mess with your head.

The nice thing about a toddler is you can see that they are walking, talking, and that you haven't screwed them up. After the first year, I felt like I had finally gotten the hang of it.

Sympathy to Jodi for feeling like a failure - I had those same emotions - about so many things. For me, it was mostly guilt over sleep-training - I started out as an "attachment parent" and after 9 months of not sleeping, I finally read Dr. Ferber, that most AP people would compare to Satan, you'd think. And it worked. And we slept. Finally. and he woke up the next day not detached and angry with me but happy - because he got his sleep.

Anyway, you have to follow what feels right for you. remembering that so many adopted kids or for other reason have to be formula-fed, you know the formula has to be safe. That there are so many options now in formula - so that even milk-allergic kids can still drink it - and if she seems happy with it - everything is good.

*hugs*

[sanguineempathy.livejournal.com]

It would seem to me that wee humans are are varied as there are ways to raise them healthy. What works for one mom/baby/family is not the best/does not work for another. Neither is wrong nor should beat themselves up over. You and Brian are two of the best parental units a young'n could have and if formula is what's making you and baby happiest - all is good. *hugs* Best of luck to you all in sorting this through :)

[shnells.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry i've been too busy to email/lj more. i totally understand where you are at with this. for me it was a relief to finally supplement with formula. inara has been doing so much better since and ironically my milk supply increased as my stress level went down. i ended up working out a schedule wiht my husband that allows both of us to sleep more, him to feel less guilty that he was dumping it all on me and me to feel less resentful and wishing that i'd never had a baby! we've also started a system of winding down at night which has been a godsend at night and led to a much happier baby. right now, i just try to breastfeed every session. she has an inefficient suck so i know she is not getting adequate nutrition, so then i give her about 2.5oz of either formula or breast milk. she has since been gaining weight and pooping.

it's like what the others have said: there is a lot of pressure to breastfeed these days and people are almost militant about it. but formula is adequate too and if it means happy baby and sane mum, it's the food of choice. many of our generation were formula-fed and we turned out just fine. my lactation consultant (who is fantastic) as well as my doc said that this technique was fine.

we shall talk more on thursday!

[maudlinkitty.livejournal.com]

I'm behind on Livejournal but wanted to put in my 2 cents. I obviously don't have a bio child, but just from raising Jonah, one of the hardest things I had to learn was to just go with my gut - no matter what I thought I SHOULD do. It's hard enough without weighing the outside opinions, or assuming you know what they are. Forget the shoulds and just make your own decisions. You'll often find yourself relieved and wondering why you didn't do it sooner. I hope it all works out. :)

[blondeamazon.livejournal.com]

It seems like lots of people who have much more experience and knowledge on this subject then I do have offered encouraging words on this subject and I am happy you have a supportive network. For my part, I am sending you lots of love and positive energy. You will make the best choice for you all and everything will come up Milhouse. *hugs*

[legitimatelove.livejournal.com]

Do what you have to do for your family, your sanity and YOU. You are NOT a failure. You made that baby girl, and you ADORE her, bottom line.