Urban Tribes

[dancerjodi]

I don't have the book here, because I lent it to my co-worker yesterday, so I can't reference some of the things I really liked and underlined. I'll try and do a brief review and do it justice. If you want specifics of the book go search on Amazon - you'll find it :)

First off, I didn't realize that the book was framed around the "why is our generation perpetually single" question. Being someone interested in communities and urbanization I thought the book was right up my alley. I didn't expect the focus on the above question to pervade through the whole book. Of course, had I read reviews on Amazon I may have know it. I bought this on a friend's suggestion.

Its surprising that this author was one of the first to look at the Urban Tribe. I don't think the phenomenon is anything new (or at least, I've always been a part of some kind of tribe or another and it wasn't always family-based). Given some free time it would be cool to do some research in sociological journals (which the author did a bit of - but most of the book was just a collection of the stories that he received from people that wrote to him).

My main take-home point of the book I think was, that Urban Tribes can be useful in fostering communities - modern day families in an age where the traditional concept of "family" is rare. On the other side of the perspective, just like a traditional family I think Urban Tribes can be limiting to people sometimes. We may not do things (like move, or marry, or wear a funny hat) because of the reaction our tribe will have. Sometimes this is a good thing and sometimes its not . . .

Being married and in a home that we own I know we've pulled off from "the tribe" a bit. At first this felt very lonely to me and I tried to have both types of roles at the same time. I wasn't fully in the tribe or in my home family (with Brian, the cat and the bunnies) since I wasn't focused on either. As time has progressed I've found myself focused more on the home family, and wanting a tribe closer to home. I find myself spending more time with friends at smaller gatherings, or in making plans with only a few people at a time.

I don't want to say its growing up, or growing old - I don't think that time in years has anything to do with this. I think its just that priorities will shift over time (if they don't, we just stagnate).

I hadn't thought of the events in my life as a series of relationships with tribes. Looking at my history in this way gives me a good understanding of who I am, where I've been, and where I am going. Its given me some perspective of the things in my life that take up time and energy and has opened me up to where I want to place my focus.


I wouldn't have gotten here without my tribes and wherever I end up going, a part of these tribes will always be with me. I think that's the realization that I needed - that just because I don't live in Waltham anymore, don't go to Peggy McGlone Dance studio anymore, and don't legally have the last name of *my family* anymore it doesn't mean that I'm not those things still. Sometimes, I need to remember this. :)