Frocked

[dancerjodi]

They were discussing http://www.rcab.org/News/sexualAbuseStatement.html on the radio this morning. The question at hand, is the church trying to 'sweep things under the rug'. Though I only listened to the discussion on the short ride from my house to work (around 15-20 minutes) it brought back some clear memories.

I worked at the rectory at my childhood church (the one that I would eventually be confirmed and married at) answering phones and filling out mass cards for people (you could make a small donation and have a person's name mentioned specifically for prayer at a mass). I think it was one of the easiest jobs I've had in my life - sit and do homework at the kitchen table, watch TV, drink all the free soda that I wanted out of the refrigerator and answer the phone or door from time to time.

The rectory was a grand old white home (I'm guessing a couple hundred years old just like the church) with high ceilings, stained glass, comfortable furniture in multiple sitting rooms and even some hidden rooms and doorways that went to nowhere (save a 30 foot drop from the third floor down to the first in the front hallway). There was a feeling of comfort in the place, it being decorated in all deep greens and reds and surrounded by old religions statuary and paintings. It was quiet (only the sound of the TV in the kitchen could be heard) most times - every once in a while you'd hear the murmur of a priest talking to someone in the front of the house (be it a young couple planning a wedding, an old lonely woman seeking counseling or a homeless alcoholic seeking some money and a place to sleep for the night).

For such a large church we had only a handful of priests and a couple of deacons - its actually gotten worse now where there are only 2 full time priests and then others that visit to help out until they are needed more elsewhere. The priests were always very sweet but weird at the same time (kind of like my family, for those of you who have met any of them).

In a small parish in Watertown and working behind the scenes as a 9th grader I learned a few things that going to the Elementary and Junior High School never taught me:
-A couple of the priests drank A LOT - they would fill up a large glass tumbler with ice each night and retire to their rooms asking not to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. One day when poking around the confines of the house I found (da da da da) the liquor cabinet which was larger then the closet that my husband and I share at home.
-One of said priests was very touch-feely with the students that worked there. Now I wouldn't say he was a bad guy or that it was molestation/harassment . . . it was just what we DSS workers would call "inappropriate" back in my internship in college. He also had a talent of telling really dumb jokes (like, "hey - you look like a million bucks, all green and wrinkled").
-After working at the rectory for about 6 months I found out that the pastor had been sneaking around with a girlfriend. This apparently had been public knowledge for a while but they were talented in keeping these kinds of things from the kids. He wasn't de-frocked but was moved away to another parish. The damage however had been done - he had taken church money for his GF and the high school had closed. A very good principal from the elementary school was fired (rumor was because he "knew too much") and then a couple of years later the elementary school closed.

I want to say that I think the amount of people that do these kinds of things in ANY organized religion is small - I know it exists in the Catholic Church and that in the past "the church" entity has been good at sweeping things under the rug. I hope that this changes. I also hope though that people will cut the church some slack since not all affiliated are "bad" or "evil".

I'm glad this discussion was on the radio this morning - life was such a different world back then and it was nice to remember it again.

Do you have any similar stories to share? I find that when I've chatted with anyone else that worked either in a church (as an altar boy) or in a rectory there are always interesting stories to tell.

Comments

[mizdarkgirl.livejournal.com]

I used to work at the rectory when they needed someone to fill in.
I used to enter the amount someone put into the collection envelope into a accounting book that tracked it. The money was *never* counted by anyone but the monsieur. It was believed by our fathers that some of that money that was put into the collection plate that was not in a weekly envelope found it way to places other then the church coffier. It seemed a lot more was collected then recorded. But I donI used to work at the rectory when they needed someone to fill in.
I used to enter the amount someone put into the collection envelope into a accounting book that tracked it. The money was *never* counted by anyone but the monsieur. It was believed by our fathers that some of that money that was put into the collection plate that was not in a weekly envelope found it way to places other then the church coffier. It seemed a lot more was collected then recorded. But I don’t think that it was misused. Don’t ask me why.

A trick that the priest used to use when someone was staying too long was to have one of us kids page them or they would set their own pagers off. Trust me, we could hear parts of these conversations and for their own sanity I think this was a good thing.

We used to go skiing with another parish priest to his ski house in Maine. The worse thing that happened there was he would let some of his “good” kids drink with the adults. It just made us feel grown up too.

[dragonvpm.livejournal.com]

I think that it goes without saying that churches tend to sweep things under the rug. I mean we are talking about an organization that is supposed to behave better than most of the population. If/when some of their folks don't live up to expectations, it's in any church's best interest to keep things quiet. To some extent that's probably more the fault of the unrealistic and judgemental members than of the church itself.

One thing that is interesting about that though is how some members (particularly the older ones) tend to not want to hear about any of the Church's problems. I know that this has come up with my mother a few times. We'll be discussing some minor scandal or politically motivated decisions and she'll get offended that we would question "the church."

I've always thought that a strong organization can take criticism and grow and improve from it, but it appears that I'm in a minority when I try to apply this to church. In some particularly religious areas (like the southwest) questioning the church and trying to make it give up it's secrets is hugely unpopular. I've never quite understood that.

I agree with you that most people involved in church tend to be in it for good reasons and they tend to stay true to their callings. It's unfortunate that a few indiscretions by a few folks can make people seriously question their religion and/or faith, but it seems counterproductive to hide them (and then have to deal with additional fallout whenever they are discovered).

I've seen more than my share of questionable actions in the local church and yet I find that I still have faith (although it's somewhat different than it was when I was younger). I may not have a very high opinion of the church as an organization, but some of the folks who work in it are very good people. The good ones are probably the reason why I still identify myself as catholic (albeit one with a strong influence from eastern philosophies and some others).

[myscarredwrists.livejournal.com]

When I was little, I used to belong to this little Catholic church with my mother. We had become very friendly with a priest there. He was a recovering alcoholic, drove a BMW and had a very close female 'companion'. While he was a very kind man to me, I could never help but feel that the BMW was just...wrong...and that his female companion was a bit too much of a companion by the standards to which a Catholic priest is held.

I'm not sure if he is still alive, as I know over the past few years he has had severe health problems due to diabetes and such. But the last I heard was that he had left his congregation, had shacked up with the same companion and she was helping him live out his last days in whisky-induced glory.

I have no faith in the Catholic church for many reasons, this being one of them. I have a difficult time with hypocrites.

[(Anonymous)]

The priest at the Catholic high school I attended in the 80's was asked to leave our school a few weeks before our graduation so we had to have our grad at a different church with a different priest. Our priest was spending too much time with the teenaged girls and since the Asst.gym teacher's office was just off the girls locker room, he spent a LOT of time hanging around there as well. He lived just up the street from the school and mowed his lawn in a black string bikini!! All the curtains in the surrounding homes would flutter when he did this...he was/is a nice looking man...at one point he went on an extended trip of Africa with a woman "friend". I still see him often at the rehab/extended care hospital where I work as he is friends with a few residents and he still turns womens heads. He wears tight jeans and a leather jacket...and he's still a priest in a small town nearby...

[rpkrajewski.livejournal.com]

A childhood friend of mine was abused by a priest and it affected him for the worse, as I found out much later from a mutual friend. It sounded real painful. I am a lapsed Catholic, and stuff like this isn't going to change my mind.

Although I agree with you that nearly everybody goes into religious service for reasons of good intention (if not for reasons that are actually are the best for them), some rules in religious orders are extremely hard to follow or might even bring out the worst in otherwise good people. It is no accident that the vow of chastity is going to cause some in the Catholic order to go astray, sometimes with horrifying consequences. I wonder if Baptist ministers or rabbis have the same kind of problems, but I've never heard about such incidents.

We don't really know if it has always been this bad or if we're justing finding out more about this due to changes in attitudes in reporting abuse and the strength of the Catholic Church in society, but it is alarming nonetheless.

The irony is that the vow of chastity, combined with a refusal to consider ordaining women, makes a Catholic calling less attractive in a post-sexual-revolution society, thus increasing the pressure for the Church to accept borderline candidates -- they won't admit it but it's pretty obvious that new blood is in pretty short supply. And if men with weaker wills are expected to live up to such lofty vows, more of them are going to fall short.

Comparison

[dancer.livejournal.com]

"Although I agree with you that nearly everybody goes into religious service for reasons of good intention (if not for reasons that are actually are the best for them), some rules in religious orders are extremely hard to follow or might even bring out the worst in otherwise good people. It is no accident that the vow of chastity is going to cause some in the Catholic order to go astray, sometimes with horrifying consequences. I wonder if Baptist ministers or rabbis have the same kind of problems, but I've never heard about such incidents."

There were a couple of points debated related to this on the radio this morning:

First, it seems you don't hear about these issues as much with other organized religions. Perhaps it is due to the vow of chastity (one of the DJs said "you know, if you let these poor guys marry perhaps the same things wouldn't happen in the same degree").

Second, one of the DJs pointed out that perhaps it is happening in other organized religions at the same rate and just isn't as publicized (it is pretty popular it seems these days to play 'lets pick on the catholics'). Locally a theology student and teacher at a Jewish Community/Children's center was accused (and eventually convicted) of molesting children in his care over a period of years. It just didn't seem to be as sensationalized by the media as the priest cases (perhaps, because the catholic clergy vows are SO strict that not adhering to them makes the person look even more bad than your average scum-sucking child molester).

*shrugs* I think the church shouldn't try to hide anything and should let the law deal with legal issues. I think perhaps if they were more open about these things you wouldn't see the media sensationalism that is happening now (I only wonder how it makes the victims feel about it).

Re: Comparison

[rpkrajewski.livejournal.com]

Any religious official is in a position to fall to temptation when it comes to abuse; after all, they are placed in positions of trust and authority, and normally they are thought of as worthy of that trust and authority. Unfortunately, it is that trust that makes kids vulnerable to them. And it's not limited to religion: sports coaches, scoutmasters, and teachers are subject to the same temptations.

In the absence of hard data, whether the scrutiny is fair or the rate of incidents is comparable is only a matter of speculation. (Actually, the scrutiny is always fair, even if unequally applied, if it results in better situations for individuals that truly suffered abuse.) Perhaps the Catholic Church is being singled out; on the other hand, it is a very powerful institution (even in the US, where it has been unfairly attacked for other reasons, usually political), and lawyers for priests accused of abuse have employed, with the approval of their client, legal and courtroom tactics which I do not consider worthy of an institution that considers itself to be the successor to Jesus Christ's church on earth. It can and should be held to standards which are not relative, just like the ones it itself is supposed to be upholding.