Max Update

[dancerjodi]

This morning he wasn't at the bottom of the stairs mewing at me to give him food. He actually was standing kind of confused looking off into space on the loveseat, like he wanted to get down but didn't have it in him. I carried him to the kitchen and got his food together and gave him his insulin shot. The whole time he ate he was making this awful noise, really struggling to breathe. After feeding the buns and taking a shower and dressing he was back on the loveseat (he had climbed up himself), curled into a little kitty ball. I sat with him for a bit before leaving for work. He was purring, but his breathing was still pretty poor.

Today is actually the first time that I've thought that maybe soon it will be time. I thought that maybe we should take him in to the vet's office soon before things get worse so that he'll be at peace. He hasn't lost control of his bodily functions and he's still eating, and he's still with it mentally (these 3 things have been what I've been keeping in my head as indicators for it being the end for him or not), but he's gone from having sporadic bad times with breathing to being asthmatic and kind of struggling with it all of the time. He just looks even thinner to me too. Having suffered from asthma myself, I know how much it sucks to have difficulty breathing, and how it can be scary when there's nothing you can do about it.

And then I ask myself if that's what he'd want, if this is the easy way out for Brian and I, and if I'm being selfish. Its so hard with an animal (compared to a human) because they can't communicate in the same way as your or I. I know we've done a lot for him - a lot more than many other people would do. I know that Max has had a very long, loving and supported life thus far. Still, making the decision to end a pet's life versus finding them already gone is quite different. Brian and I really have to talk about this.

Comments

[danaecormac.livejournal.com]

I know this may sound 'out there' to you, but why don't you ask Max what he wants. Sit with him in your lap, center yourself (concentrate on your breathing, let any thoughts just float through your mind, but don't dwell on them), imagine him sitting on your lap with the love you both have for each other surrounding you and that both of you are open to receiving messages from each other and then ask him what he wants. I'll bet that he tells you. If not in that moment, then in the dreamstate. Has Max ever visited you in your dreams? If he has, then perhaps he will communicate with you in that state.

We did this with my cat Mags and she told us that she didn't want to have insulin shots, etc.

Lots and lots and lots of love to you, Brian and Max!