Gram

[dancerjodi]

My Gram died very early yesterday morning. I was planning on going to my parents house for breakfast, but Mom called to tell me the news as I was getting ready to walk over. I got off the phone so that she could call my brother and sister and I headed over.

This has been coming for a long time. Her kidneys have been shutting down for quite a while, and about two or three weeks ago they started banding her ankles so that all of the blood didn't rush down to her feet and make them burst. She fell a week ago and broke a vertebrae and was in extreme pain, so this is very much a relief both for her and for our family. She was 92.

Gram and I were very close, and I tend to be over-emotional about these kinds of things, usually. Its so strange, because this is the first time that a loved one has died that I haven't been over-emotional. I'm sad, and its weird that she's finally gone. In a lot of ways the woman that was my grandmother was gone not too long after she moved into the nursing home. All of the things that defined her for me were gone. Her spirit was gone. None of us could figure out why she was hanging on through all of these very serious and chronic health problems, because she's been wanting to go since my grandfather died in 1988.

Dad and his oldest sister went to Brasco's to make arrangements yesterday. In just one hour they had all details laid out: my sister and I are doing readings, my cousin Paul will read the eulogy (that my Dad is working on writing), the male cousins are the pall bearers, the young great-grandchildren will bring up the gifts. The wake is Wednesday night, funeral Thursday at Sacred Heart, aka "the bubble church" at the end of my street (where Gram went, volunteered and all of that). Since a good chunk of Waltham may be coming to this (folks from church, the Sons of Italy ,senior groups, 200 relatives) we'll retire to a function room at The Chataeu after the cemetery. I think my dad and his sisters have been ready for this for so long, that these arrangements came easier than they would for most. Dad seems like he has such a weight lifted off of him. EJ and I are both actually off of work this week, so we'll be around to help Dad with anything that may come up. I spent some time yesterday going through photos to add to their collage for the wake, since my parents photos are all packed and in storage in NH.

So that's it, the end of an era. My grandmother was the oldest of all of those Scafidi kids and had outlived many of her brothers and sisters. She raised three children, took care of her husband's machine shop business, and was one of the most bright, caring, social and active people I have ever known. She was a costumer before I even knew what a costumer was, and I loved going through boxes of costumes and hats in her amazing attic (Grandmother's Attic in the Boston Children's Museum had nothing on Gram's house!). I am very fortunate to have spent so many years with her. I miss her and I'm sad, but this sense of lightness is something so strange and unexpected. Its easy to say "oh its good, they aren't suffering anymore". My grandmother wasn't suffering in the true sense of the word - she didn't go through the kind of things that my grandfathers or Miss Peggy did when fighting cancer. She was just - gone - a long time ago.

If anyone is interested in arrangements, they will be posted up on http://www.brascofuneralhome.com/runtime.php?SiteId=14897&NavigatorId=104075 I would assume. You may also find info here http://www.legacy.com/DailyNewsTribune/Obituaries.asp (though, neither site is updated yet).

Comments

[jetgrrl01.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry, though I understand your feelings very well. Your memories of how much she taught you will be the best memorial to her.

My grandmother actually reminds me very much of your grandmother. And I have to say that the woman I see now is not the one that gave me so many amazing memories. It's sad, really. So the loss is painful, but maybe you've already experienced much of the pain.

[rubicat.livejournal.com]

My sympathies - your posts about her have always been so loving and beautiful.

[goat.livejournal.com]

The circumstances surrounding my own grandmother's death were similar, and I remember feeling relieved, too.

Nevertheless, you and your family have my sympathies.

[gospog.livejournal.com]

Please accept our condolences.

[jeditrilobite.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry to hear that - my condolences.

[dragonvpm.livejournal.com]

My condolences to you and your family. Reading what you've written about her over the years made it very clear that she was an amazing woman. I'm sorry for your loss.

[julishka.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry to hear of your loss. *hug*

[ggirl.livejournal.com]

So sorry for your loss.

[jhenaphere.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss. You write beautifully about your memories of her.

[rojagato.livejournal.com]

My condolences, but it sounds like your family is very much at peace.

How nice that you and your brother have the week off, and that you have this time to be with your family.

[redcolumbine.livejournal.com]

It's against the rules to agree with someone who wants out, even to catch up with their long-absent spirit, but it's a dumb rule. I'm actually quite happy that her death isn't messing you up. {hug!}

[legitimatelove.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you & yours.

Be well.

[sajuka.livejournal.com]

My condolences as well. I know when my Grandmother died I certainly felt very weird about it for a while. But with the help of time, friends, and family I came to grips with it.

If you need anything, let us know.

[electricsoup.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. :/

[fieryredhead.livejournal.com]

I am very sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you and your family.

[tobi.livejournal.com]

=/ My condolences to you and your family.

[contessagrrl.livejournal.com]

She sounded like an amazing women. I'm sorry for your loss.

[mizdarkgirl.livejournal.com]

I am sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[deadwinter.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss. It seems you were blessed she was in your life.

[sanguineempathy.livejournal.com]

Sorry for your family's loss. I remember feeling much the same way 'bout my Grampa, sad yes, but relieved that he was no longer suffering. Many sympathies.

[synaesthesia.livejournal.com]

Love to you all.

[evilbirdgirl.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand your feelings about it. My grandfather (who lived to be 94) was very similar. He also died when my grandmother died in 97. He let go and slowly deteriorated until his mind left and he passed soon after. Its so hard to loose someone you're close to, but in some ways you've probably already mostly mourned her loss.

[eeyrg.livejournal.com]

*hugs* sorry :(

[alonewiththemoon]

I send my condolences to you and your family.

[wereleopard.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you all have each other to lean on right now. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts

[rantarn.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear it.
I sympathize with the strange mix of emotions these things bring.

[dee-cee.livejournal.com]

I'll add my condolences to you and your family.

As someone whose grandparents passed before I was born, I am happy for you that you had as much time as you did with her.

[dionysia.livejournal.com]

My deepest condolences, J.

*hug*

[iterum.livejournal.com]

So sorry. :( My condolences to you and yours.

[missplatypus.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

[dali-muse.livejournal.com]

*hugs and support*

[leilaland.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, you have all my sympathy.

[absinthangel.livejournal.com]

Very sorry for your loss, thinking of you all xxx
Narelle

[christmasjedi.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad to hear that you are taking it all in stride though. Your memories of her will live on forever. I think it's perfectly okay to grieve, but I think that perhaps you've had the time to deal with the major portion of your grief over the last several years. It makes losing someone you've grown very close to just a little bit easier. Me, I cried for a week after my grandmother died, because I was only 18 and too young to deal with the fact that her cancer would take her away from me sooner rather than later. But now, ten years later (wow!), I still love and remember her as much as ever, and I know that she'll always be with me.

{{HUGS}}

[jillianpie.livejournal.com]

While it does seem like this has been a long time coming, I'm sure that it's tough regardless. I'm glad you have such rich memories of her, and that you have an opportunity to share them with family and friends this week.

Thinking of you.