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My Gram died very early yesterday morning. I was planning on going to my parents house for breakfast, but Mom called to tell me the news as I was getting ready to walk over. I got off the phone so that she could call my brother and sister and I headed over.
This has been coming for a long time. Her kidneys have been shutting down for quite a while, and about two or three weeks ago they started banding her ankles so that all of the blood didn't rush down to her feet and make them burst. She fell a week ago and broke a vertebrae and was in extreme pain, so this is very much a relief both for her and for our family. She was 92.
Gram and I were very close, and I tend to be over-emotional about these kinds of things, usually. Its so strange, because this is the first time that a loved one has died that I haven't been over-emotional. I'm sad, and its weird that she's finally gone. In a lot of ways the woman that was my grandmother was gone not too long after she moved into the nursing home. All of the things that defined her for me were gone. Her spirit was gone. None of us could figure out why she was hanging on through all of these very serious and chronic health problems, because she's been wanting to go since my grandfather died in 1988.
Dad and his oldest sister went to Brasco's to make arrangements yesterday. In just one hour they had all details laid out: my sister and I are doing readings, my cousin Paul will read the eulogy (that my Dad is working on writing), the male cousins are the pall bearers, the young great-grandchildren will bring up the gifts. The wake is Wednesday night, funeral Thursday at Sacred Heart, aka "the bubble church" at the end of my street (where Gram went, volunteered and all of that). Since a good chunk of Waltham may be coming to this (folks from church, the Sons of Italy ,senior groups, 200 relatives) we'll retire to a function room at The Chataeu after the cemetery. I think my dad and his sisters have been ready for this for so long, that these arrangements came easier than they would for most. Dad seems like he has such a weight lifted off of him. EJ and I are both actually off of work this week, so we'll be around to help Dad with anything that may come up. I spent some time yesterday going through photos to add to their collage for the wake, since my parents photos are all packed and in storage in NH.
So that's it, the end of an era. My grandmother was the oldest of all of those Scafidi kids and had outlived many of her brothers and sisters. She raised three children, took care of her husband's machine shop business, and was one of the most bright, caring, social and active people I have ever known. She was a costumer before I even knew what a costumer was, and I loved going through boxes of costumes and hats in her amazing attic (Grandmother's Attic in the Boston Children's Museum had nothing on Gram's house!). I am very fortunate to have spent so many years with her. I miss her and I'm sad, but this sense of lightness is something so strange and unexpected. Its easy to say "oh its good, they aren't suffering anymore". My grandmother wasn't suffering in the true sense of the word - she didn't go through the kind of things that my grandfathers or Miss Peggy did when fighting cancer. She was just - gone - a long time ago.
If anyone is interested in arrangements, they will be posted up on http://www.brascofuneralhome.com/runtime.php?SiteId=14897&NavigatorId=104075 I would assume. You may also find info here http://www.legacy.com/DailyNewsTribune/Obituaries.asp (though, neither site is updated yet).
This has been coming for a long time. Her kidneys have been shutting down for quite a while, and about two or three weeks ago they started banding her ankles so that all of the blood didn't rush down to her feet and make them burst. She fell a week ago and broke a vertebrae and was in extreme pain, so this is very much a relief both for her and for our family. She was 92.
Gram and I were very close, and I tend to be over-emotional about these kinds of things, usually. Its so strange, because this is the first time that a loved one has died that I haven't been over-emotional. I'm sad, and its weird that she's finally gone. In a lot of ways the woman that was my grandmother was gone not too long after she moved into the nursing home. All of the things that defined her for me were gone. Her spirit was gone. None of us could figure out why she was hanging on through all of these very serious and chronic health problems, because she's been wanting to go since my grandfather died in 1988.
Dad and his oldest sister went to Brasco's to make arrangements yesterday. In just one hour they had all details laid out: my sister and I are doing readings, my cousin Paul will read the eulogy (that my Dad is working on writing), the male cousins are the pall bearers, the young great-grandchildren will bring up the gifts. The wake is Wednesday night, funeral Thursday at Sacred Heart, aka "the bubble church" at the end of my street (where Gram went, volunteered and all of that). Since a good chunk of Waltham may be coming to this (folks from church, the Sons of Italy ,senior groups, 200 relatives) we'll retire to a function room at The Chataeu after the cemetery. I think my dad and his sisters have been ready for this for so long, that these arrangements came easier than they would for most. Dad seems like he has such a weight lifted off of him. EJ and I are both actually off of work this week, so we'll be around to help Dad with anything that may come up. I spent some time yesterday going through photos to add to their collage for the wake, since my parents photos are all packed and in storage in NH.
So that's it, the end of an era. My grandmother was the oldest of all of those Scafidi kids and had outlived many of her brothers and sisters. She raised three children, took care of her husband's machine shop business, and was one of the most bright, caring, social and active people I have ever known. She was a costumer before I even knew what a costumer was, and I loved going through boxes of costumes and hats in her amazing attic (Grandmother's Attic in the Boston Children's Museum had nothing on Gram's house!). I am very fortunate to have spent so many years with her. I miss her and I'm sad, but this sense of lightness is something so strange and unexpected. Its easy to say "oh its good, they aren't suffering anymore". My grandmother wasn't suffering in the true sense of the word - she didn't go through the kind of things that my grandfathers or Miss Peggy did when fighting cancer. She was just - gone - a long time ago.
If anyone is interested in arrangements, they will be posted up on http://www.brascofuneralhome.com/runtime.php?SiteId=14897&NavigatorId=104075 I would assume. You may also find info here http://www.legacy.com/DailyNewsTribune/Obituaries.asp (though, neither site is updated yet).
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Date: 2008-11-03 01:00 pm (UTC)My grandmother actually reminds me very much of your grandmother. And I have to say that the woman I see now is not the one that gave me so many amazing memories. It's sad, really. So the loss is painful, but maybe you've already experienced much of the pain.
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Date: 2008-11-03 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:28 pm (UTC)Nevertheless, you and your family have my sympathies.
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Date: 2008-11-03 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-11-03 02:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 02:07 pm (UTC)I'm sorry for your loss. You write beautifully about your memories of her.
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Date: 2008-11-03 02:09 pm (UTC)How nice that you and your brother have the week off, and that you have this time to be with your family.
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Date: 2008-11-03 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 02:14 pm (UTC)Be well.
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Date: 2008-11-03 02:16 pm (UTC)If you need anything, let us know.
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Date: 2008-11-03 02:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-11-03 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 05:47 pm (UTC)I sympathize with the strange mix of emotions these things bring.
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Date: 2008-11-03 05:50 pm (UTC)As someone whose grandparents passed before I was born, I am happy for you that you had as much time as you did with her.
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Date: 2008-11-03 05:53 pm (UTC)*hug*
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Date: 2008-11-03 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-11-04 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 02:16 pm (UTC)Narelle
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Date: 2008-11-04 05:04 pm (UTC){{HUGS}}
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Date: 2008-11-04 08:29 pm (UTC)Thinking of you.